I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
