so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
