tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
