very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
