I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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