My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
