i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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