This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
