I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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