they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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