So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
