is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
