In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
you didnt know i had herpes?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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