see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
40s are totally the cure
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
