Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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