Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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