Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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