How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
