Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
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You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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