I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
