I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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