My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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