dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
