Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i've created a new STD.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
