i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
