the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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