i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I supernannyed him into submission
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
