David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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