i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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