So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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