idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
