I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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