omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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