Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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