five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
