Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
