what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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