he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Bring me that man meat
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