Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
