If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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