Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
