I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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