Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
