No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
