Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
