I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We were destined to go to rehab together
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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