remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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