I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
