i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
