You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
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If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize