Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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