How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
