So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
