it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
