She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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