My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
