I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
