I skipped work to stalk him.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
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