yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
