Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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