And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
