I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
