An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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