I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize