Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
