In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
