Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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