My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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