Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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