Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
