Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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