You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
