When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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